Denmark's the Spot
Essay by jepp2757 • October 22, 2015 • Article Review • 1,907 Words (8 Pages) • 940 Views
Denmark’s the Spot
by Jeppe Albertsen
MOM: Jeppe? Jeppe! Wake up! Your letter is here, from… S.A.T.A.N.?
JEPPE: Really, is it here?! S.A.T.A.N.? Studying and Training Across Nations… (reading letter) “Dear Jeppe. We are happy to say that you have been accepted to be a foreign exchange student in the United States. There was only 1 other applicant, and he wouldn’t last a day in the US as he suffers from cacomorphobia; or the fear of fat people. We hope you enjoy your trip and the invasive body cavity search upon arriving at U.S. Customs!”
MOM: Are you sure you want to do this honey? You know, it seems really scary over there in that big country. I heard on the news that there were tigers--- in the woods--- preying on young girls.
DAD: Woman, that was Tiger Woods---
JEPPE: ---and I’m not a girl.
DAD: Hah. You got me fooled. Listen son, it’s time for you to grow up and become a man. And to do that, you need a woman, and American girls love European men--- even ones as incompetent as you. You’re going to America.
Intro: Mit navn er Jeppe, og jeg er en udvekslings student fra Danmark som valgte at… Oh sorry, was that in Danish? My name is Jeppe-- and I’m a foreign exchange student- from Denmark- who joined the speech team- and wrote a speech piece about a foreign exchange student- from Denmark-- named Jeppe--- who joins the speech team. This is that piece. Denmark’s the Spot, an original performance.
JEPPE: First day of school can be a scary experience. But I was really excited about seeing my new schedule.
JEPPE: (read schedule) introduction to the history of history, AP study hall, Spanish. Wait, are they expecting me to learn a 3rd language in my 2nd language? First up is speech.
CHRISTA: Did I hear you say speech? That’s where I’m headed! My name is Christa, I’m captain of the speech team. What’s your name?
JEPPE: Jeppe. I’m a foreign exchange student.
CHRISTA: Jeppe? I have a good feeling about you.
JEPPE: You do?
CHRISTA: You know what? You should come to the speech team call out meeting tomorrow after school.
JEPPE: It was really nice making a new friend on my first day, but I was feeling a bit homesick, so I set up a video call with mom and dad back home in Denmark.
MOM: Hi Jeppe! Isn’t this great honey?!? Hold on, I think your dad wants to talk to you!
JEPPE: I don’t think he wants to talk to me, mom.
MOM: Yes he does! (looking right- to DAD – listening for a moment) Yes you do! (back to JEPPE) I’ll go get him…
JEPPE: No, mom… you don’t have to--- Hi, dad.
DAD: ----Hello? Helloooo?
JEPPE: Dad! Flip up your screen! I’m talking to your crotch.
DAD: Hah, that’s what she’s saying! So, man to man Jeppe, any girls I need to know about?
JEPPE: I dunno dad, I’ve never really had---
DAD: ---much of a personality? I know son…
JEPPE: I was gonna say ---luck with that sort of stuff. I just got here dad, I haven’t really thought about girls.
DAD: Haven’t thought about girls? Jeppe, when I was your age, my wallet had a ring on the front leather cover.
JEPPE: Geez dad…
DAD: It’s easy son. All you have to do is join a gang.
JEPPE: Well, the speech team is having a call out meeting tomorrow after school, and this girl did invite me to check it out.
DAD: Even better! Join her little club! That way she’ll be forced to hang out with you… like I am… Nonetheless, cheerio!
CHRISTA: Hey, Jeppe! I had a feeling you would show up…
JEPPE: I’m having some feelings as well…
CHRISTA: What?
JEPPE: Uhmm… Tell me about the speech team.
CHRISTA: Well, we write and deliver speeches, as well as interpret books, movie scripts, musicals and plays, on topics like: abortion, rape, cancer, suicide, genocide, homicide, the dark side. You know, the usual.
JEPPE: Oh, so it’s like acting?
CHRISTA: No no no no no! It’s INTERPRETATION!
JEPPE: Well, what’s the difference?
CHRISTA: (mysteriously) Nobody knows!... So you interested?
JEPPE: I dunno…
CHRISTA: I could really use a new duo partner…
JEPPE: Partner?!? I guess I could give it a shot.
CHRISTA: Great! This is our piece.
JEPPE: “A Tumor on My Heart” wow, I wonder what this is about…
CHRISTA: It’s very sad! But also funny, with singing, dancing, tech, sign language---
JEPPE: ---and cancer?
CHRISTA: Lots of cancer. In duo, we must always be in sync. No matter what. Words. Facial expressions. Bodily functions. You get my point.
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