I Am Not Esther by Fleur Beale

In the novel ‘I am not Esther’ by Fleur Beale, Kirby Greenland is an average New Zealand teenage girl and by some means, her life gets turned upside down dramatically into a state where she couldn’t identify her own self. Kirby is forced to change into a religious child by her new family after her mother ambiguously leaves Kirby and depart to Africa. She then changes her behaviour from a rebellious and organized modern girl, to an obedient and pure child. During her stay at the Pilgrim family, she changes her speaking and thinking method in the hous. She struggles to cope with her life.

At the beginning of the novel, Kirby Greenland is perfectly happy with the life she is living. She could possibly think of better things to do, than follow after her mother and making sure she pays bills and does laundry, but all in all she’s happy. On a fine day, Kirby and her mother stop over for a motel to be at leisure, until Kirby's mother explains to Kirby that she is going to be sent to her uncle who lives in a cult. Kirby couldn't take in the words as she clung onto her mum and begged her to not abandon their relationship. When Uncle Caleb and his son Daniel come to pick up Kirby to take her to the cult, Kirby disobediently refuses. Later when her mother departs to the airport, inattentive of Kirby’s desolation, Kirby is forced to leave her happy-go-lucky lifestyle and adapt to Uncle Caleb’s strict religious rules.

Throughout the novel, the character relationship between Kirby and Uncle Caleb is very controlling and tense. Kirby is forced to follow a strict set of rules that would be unthinkable for most teenage girls to live by. She is forced into the restrictive lifestyle of the ‘Children of Faith’ who go as far as changing her name to Esther. An example of this is when Aunt Naomi says to Kirby, “All women of the Faith have Biblical names”. Kirby repeats “My name is Kirby, I'm not Esther”, but no one takes notice. This quote shows that Kirby is true to herself. She finds it astounding that her relatives are trying to change her. Kirby’s adamant behavior also conveys to us that she is displeased with her new self, and troubled by the fact that her mother had left her which a cult.

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