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1st Lesson Learned - Psychoanalysis

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Lesson Learned



When I was in high school, I would gather students in a classroom while others are outplaying and preach the bible to them. Sometimes I would ask the student to close their eyes for a while and tell me what they were thinking about. While in Bible College, I saw myself practicing the same technique. Each student in my class were all given turns to lead chapel services every week and whenever it was my turn, I would as everyone in the room to stay quiet with eyes closed for two minutes and share whatever came to their mind first. It was the best time students could voice out their fears and confusions about the bible and the "act" of doing God's will. This was Freud's technique of concentration - free association in action. However, I was not a therapist or had a couch to tell anyone to relax on neither had any insight about psychoanalytics techniques (Sharf 2008, p.26).

I want to assume that Freud designed his theories based on his own life and childhood upbringing. Because just as he tried to uncover the unconscious energies in everyone, so I was doing with my classmate in both high school and Bible College, which was something, I learned from my mother at home. Growing up in a very wild community with a single parent presented a challenge for me wanting to be the boss in the home and was determined to see that happen. Whenever any of my siblings or other kids living in the home complained to my mother about my aggressive behavior of trying to control them like the "father" of the house, she tell them to let be that mean. That was her way approving of or rewarding my behavior. This developed my goals and aspirations to becoming a leader. My id was out of control and all I desired was to please myself and formed an image to reduce my dissatisfactions and self-preservation as the only boy in the home. Many times my siblings will tell me how stubborn and selfish I was, but I did not fully understand what I wanted. Even now, I still see the pleasure principal coming to action once a while but have to face the reality of life (Sharf 2008, p.30).

As I grew up and developed, I became to realize that I was not the only child in the home through my mother shows me much care. At some point, I became conscious, processing my decisions, reasoning, and execution of tasks or intentions. I felt things had to be analyzed to make sure it was the right decision. I learned there were moral principles to follow to accomplish things in life thus investing my energies to caring for the needs of my siblings in the home. Instead of staying home and fight with everybody to please my id, I would go down to the beach (as the ocean was close by) and swim in the ocean or go to church (p. 31).

At this stage of my life, especially going back to school, I am dealing with the demands of reality, strong desires of my identification, and the perfectionist tendencies of my superego as best as it can. However, my anxiety has become overwhelming for quite some time now, and therefore, my ego must defend itself. I have been trying to do that by unconsciously blocking the instincts or deforming them into a more acceptable, less threatening form. I do not like feeling like a failure because it exceedingly affects my performances generally. During these times of overwhelming conditions, I tried to rationalize everything that is happening in school and at home. It helps me justify specific behaviors or decisions that may not be acceptable to the conscious mind. Since starting school, I decided to quit a full-time job and find a part-time job.

As I evaluate present and past activities in my own life, I can distinguish Freud's ideas of defense mechanism visibly. A few days ago, I was interviewed for a part-time job that I really wanted,



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