College Essay

It was the fifth and deciding game in the RI State High School Volleyball tournament. With sweat pouring down my face I stood on my toes contemplating what move to make next with a ball flying towards me. This game, and perhaps this next move, would determine the championship but all I could think about was my dad. That year my volleyball team was undefeated and we were extremely confident that we would win at the state tournament. My father had never gone out of his way in order to make me happy, so it came as a surprise that day when he had taken work off to come see me play. So for the first half of our all day tournament I thought that this day would be different, and that initial hope affected my game.

My aggressiveness is based on the mood that I am in. If I'm in a good mood I have the hands to push a perfect set out to the hitters. If I'm upset everything is different and I'm not the same player because I try to push the ball too hard and it ends with me making mistakes. With my dad in the stands at the beginning of my tournament I was at the top of my game, helping my team to defeat other semi-finalists. At the time I would've credited my success to having the one person there that, to me, truly mattered, my father, Neal Spelman. In the end, my success was based on my mind set, not because my father didn't show up. Then in between games I learned that my dad would be leaving for a short time, but he promised me he would return.

Yet in the middle of my next game I realized my father would not be returning. Continually glancing in the stands threw off my game. Trying my hardest to play the best to my ability with the wrong mindset eventually concluded with mistakes made. I have the ability to play an amazing game of volleyball, but that day I was in a bad state of mind contributing to mistakes causing my team to lose the championship game. I and my team found ourselves in tears. My mother was the only person who knew the real reason I cried, and made an effort to console me. But stepping back onto the bus my tears once again flowed causing my coach to invite me to sit with her. At that moment I thought I was going to hear about how I threw away the game. But I learned something very different.

Although she was young, my coach knew what she was saying. Without my ever telling her she knew that my father has been absent throughout my life. Fighting tears I tried to explain. Yet she repeatedly told me not to blame it on myself. Looking back on our discussion I've learned that I may play in hundreds of sporting events and at the time I may worry about who isn't there. Yet in the end I've learned the ones who are there are the people who truly care. Now in all my sporting events I look forward to seeing my family and friends supporting me, but I now know that even if they do not show up, I can still play my best.

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